You can spend more time loving life and less time just surviving.

By Jordan Grumet M.D

I want you to win the game. Not in the sense of beating everyone else, but in creating a life filled with happiness and fulfillment. What is happiness? I believe it is a mix of meaning and purpose. Both are essential to building the life most of us aspire to. Let’s break it down.

Meaning is the story we tell ourselves about the past. Happy people tend to frame their histories as heroic narratives—stories of overcoming difficulties and trauma. They view challenges not as dead ends but as opportunities for growth. If you approach present and future hurdles in the same way, you cultivate a strong sense of meaning. On the other hand, if you see these same hurdles as insurmountable, leaving you frustrated or defeated, you risk getting trapped in a victim’s narrative: a vicious cycle that undermines happiness.

Purpose, in contrast, is about the present and future, not the past. It’s the activities you fill your time with—the things that make you feel alive. Purpose often thrives in process-oriented pursuits, where the journey matters more than the outcome. In these moments, you live abundantly, savoring each step rather than anxiously chasing a destination.

Happiness, then, emerges from two intertwined elements: developing a nurturing sense of meaning to navigate past hardships and cultivating purpose to enjoy the present. Once you’ve reached a sense of “enoughness”—the quiet confidence that you are already enough—purpose becomes effortless and expansive. You no longer need to prove yourself by achieving more, making more, or being more.

Happiness = Meaning + Purpose

If you embrace this formula, winning the game becomes surprisingly straightforward.

We all know time is finite. You can’t buy it, sell it, or pause it. All we can do is live within its limits. This is one of life’s fundamental truths: We are born one day and die another, with very little control over the passage of time in between.

But we do have one essential lever: We get to choose how we spend the time we have. “At least, kinda,” you might say, and you’re right. Life imposes responsibilities—earning a living, maintaining a home, supporting family members. Sacrifices are unavoidable. I may not love the 40 hours I spend at work each week, but I do enjoy the comfort of my home and the fresh food I can buy at the market. Life is full of trade-offs.

Winning the game means, over time, minimizing those trade-offs:

Spend as much time as possible doing things you love, and as little time as possible doing things you loathe.

It really is that simple. Periodically, look at your calendar and ask: Am I optimizing my time for joy and purpose? You can take several approaches. Add more fulfilling activities on nights and weekends, subtract loathsome obligations where possible, and, when necessary, substitute: change jobs, bosses, or even neighborhoods to align your life with your values.

Some may object: “This sounds great, but without money, it’s unrealistic.” I would partially disagree. Money is a powerful tool. With enough of it, you can outsource the tasks you dislike, retire early, and carve out time for what matters most. This is the ultimate subtraction: freeing yourself from necessity so you can pursue joy.

Yet lack of money is not an insurmountable barrier. Other resources—youth, energy, time, community—can help you begin winning the game. Even if you don’t love your job, you can still carve out hours on Sunday morning to engage in a hobby or a passion project. You have begun adding purpose to your life, even amidst obligations.

Community, family, and supportive relationships often outweigh money’s influence. Suppose you hate your job at a fast-food joint, working 60 hours a week just to afford a small apartment. Could you move in with a sibling nearby and cut your rent in half? Suddenly, 40-hour workweeks are possible, leaving extra time to pursue creative projects you once set aside.

Understanding happiness is only the first step; applying that knowledge is where the real game begins. People with strong meaning no longer feel compelled to prove themselves through achievements alone. They can joyfully pursue purpose that is process-driven, abundant, and fulfilling.

Winning the game, then, is about optimizing your calendar: more purposeful activities you love, fewer obligations you dread. Early in your career, you may only partially succeed. Over time, however, the balance should tip increasingly toward joy and meaning.

Imagine the impact over a year. Over a decade. One day, you wake up and realize you’re spending the majority of your time on things you love. You’re winning the game.

And that, I call happiness. Don’t you?

Originally published at Psychology Today